I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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