wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
