i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
