So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
