Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
