OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
