Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
