Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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