It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
