we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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