help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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