I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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