her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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