I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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