At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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