So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize