i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
