dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
