I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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