What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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