I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
