I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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