I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
