My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
