Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
