i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
