guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
