Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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