What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
