Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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