Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
