Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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