if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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