it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
