low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
