Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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