? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
