So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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