I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
