Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.

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(847): View more from Illinois

we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u

Fav 5 3410 909
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass

Fav 17 4338 2215
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(810): View more from Michigan

I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.

Fav 10 1187 3196
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(216): View more from Ohio

Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."

Fav 9 3355 1223
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.

Fav 9 2358 921
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.

Fav 14 2603 1157
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(317): View more from Indiana

She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.

Fav 0 415 127
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.

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