Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
