Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
