Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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