Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
