I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
