just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
