I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
