Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
