Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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