Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
