The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My first STD was from a foam party
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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