Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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