I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
