bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are two peas in an std pod
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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