Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
