Soap is not a condiment
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
