Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
