I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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