He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
